The past year has been quite a roller coaster. First off my ever present behcets autoimmune disease was in constant hyperdrive. Pain and distress marked the end of the year. I did have some hope that life would get better, well I have a living family and wonderful husband I adore. Not forgetting the two children that help me to live in the moment.
I am quite rigid in my monthly booby massages normally done in the shower using super soapy foam burst. On the look out for changes in my boobies I noticed that at the top of my left breast I had a hard non moving lump. So on a day nearing the end of November last year I popped along husband in tow to the GPs. Lucky for me it was an elderly gentleman, a locum just working a couple of days through his retirement that I saw. He examined my lump and he immediately said he would make an immediate referral to the breast clinic at my local hospital. I remember thinking at the time ok he looks worried, but dismissing it as my usual go to panic mode.
Two weeks later I was up at the breast clinic to see Miss Fitzgerald breast surgeon. She examined my left breast then my right breast. “The lumps you are feeling is just normal breast tissue.” She said and I breathed a major sigh of relief. ” But we reviewed a mammogram you had 4 years ago and we have noticed a change in your right breast. Right at the back. We need to get a biopsy of this area, just to rule out cancer.” My husband and I just sat quiet. Questions reeling around in our minds but not actually coming out.
The storm was coming and I could feel it from my toes up.
To be continued……….
Today was Lammas feast of the Harvest in the Pagan calendar. In Christianity it is the time of the year when as a wee catholic school child when back after the Summer wee had a Mass and took cans of food for the poor.
i decided to do a Lammas ritual to thank the Gods, Godesses, Angels, Archangels and Saints For all they have provided for my family and I in the past year. Food on the table and a roof over our head. It’s not easy to do all the fiddly things you have to do during a ritual, such as protection circle, lighting candles, shooting white light out of me finger ect..So I got my friend and fellow Pagan Rae to help me. Having this Behcets and Osteoarthritis in all joints including wrist and fingers is no laughing matter. What was funny was that we did our magic in the kitchen while son and pal watched Anime in living room. Not easy as I could sense them listening to all going on between japanese subtitles.
Rae brought the best M and s cookies ever I provided the vodka and kahuna. I did the pointing and Rae did the rest. Sitting I felt that at least being disabled doesn’t stop me with my hobbies and interests. I hope my gods and goddesses heard our thanks today. I am sure they all did.
I am finding being retired really difficult. Being a hyperactive with depressive tendencies i tend to need to be creative and busy. I am writing my journal and hope one day to turn it in a book. For this I started this morning. My husband talked me into coming with him to Strathclyde park whilst he ran. My son went too. I managed to get up and be out by 9.30am. A miracle in itself. I sat on a bench by the loch and fed the copious amounts of ducks, swans and gulls. I enjoyed just the contact with nature and the heat of the sun on my sore bones. Thomas my son kept a close eye on me as well as doing a lot of walking himself. After 15 mins helped back to the car I started my journal and my next book. Only problem with the swans and ducks is they poo their own weight trebled. My luck must be changing as bird poo is lucky, especially when you have stood in it. Life is getting better. My motto for today.
The lovely little chapel. A quiet and peaceful place that feeds the soul.
Quickly I am discovering that being semi-retired on health grounds has its advantages.
Firstly I can enjoy the sun and tan my broken bits and bods.
Secondly I can now enjoy writing as a creative process and not a chore as in the past.
Finally I have less money but I have time to just sit and still my mind so in fact my psychic pictures are clearer than ever.
Swings and roundabouts I guess.
Today has been a strange day. Pain level off the chart especially wrist, thus keeping this short. Frozen fog didn’t help not to say that I went out. Only popped head out to call little Raven in. I was hoping that in the near future I may even venture out the front door. A walk or a push around the gardens at Chatelherault get the energy of some good old Oaks and Yes trees.