Why the no communication. But now I’m back.

The past year has been quite a roller coaster. First off my ever present behcets autoimmune disease was in constant hyperdrive. Pain and distress marked the end of the year.  I did have some hope that life would get better, well I have a living family and wonderful husband I adore.  Not forgetting the two children that help me to live in the moment.  

I am quite rigid in my monthly booby massages normally done in the shower using super soapy foam burst. On the look out for changes in my boobies I noticed that at the top of my left breast I had a hard non moving lump. So on a day nearing the end of November last year I popped along husband in tow to the GPs.  Lucky for me it was an elderly gentleman, a locum just working a couple of days through his retirement that I saw.  He examined my lump and he immediately said he would make an immediate referral to the breast clinic at my local hospital. I remember thinking at the time ok he looks worried, but dismissing it as my usual go to panic mode.  

Two weeks later I was up at the breast clinic to see Miss Fitzgerald breast surgeon. She examined my left breast then my right breast.  “The lumps you are feeling is just normal breast tissue.” She said and I breathed a major sigh of relief.  ” But we reviewed a mammogram you had 4 years ago and we have noticed a change in your right breast. Right at the back. We need to get a biopsy of this area, just to rule out cancer.”  My husband and I just sat quiet. Questions reeling around in our minds but not actually coming out.  

The storm was coming and I could feel it from my toes up.

To be continued……….

Doing A Ritual When Your A Bit Disabled.

Today was Lammas feast of the Harvest in the Pagan calendar.  In Christianity it is the time of the year when as a wee catholic school child when back after the Summer wee had a Mass and took cans of food for the poor.  

i decided to do a Lammas ritual to thank the Gods, Godesses, Angels, Archangels and Saints For all they have provided for my family and I in the past year.  Food on the table and a roof over our head.  It’s not easy to do all the fiddly things you have to do during a ritual, such as protection circle, lighting candles, shooting white light out of me finger ect..So I got my friend and fellow Pagan Rae to help me.  Having this Behcets and Osteoarthritis in all joints including wrist and fingers is no laughing matter.  What was funny was that we did our magic in the kitchen while son and pal watched Anime in living room.  Not easy as I could sense them listening to all going on between japanese subtitles. 
Rae brought the best M and s cookies ever I provided the vodka and kahuna. I did the pointing and Rae did the rest. Sitting I felt that at least being disabled doesn’t stop me with my hobbies and interests. I hope my gods and goddesses heard our thanks today. I am sure they all did.

The Retiring Psychic

I am finding being retired really difficult.  Being a hyperactive with depressive tendencies i tend to need to be creative and busy.  I am writing my journal and hope one day to turn it in a book.  For this I started this morning.  My husband talked me into coming with him to Strathclyde park whilst he ran.   My son went too.  I managed to get up and be out by 9.30am.  A miracle in itself. I sat on a bench by the loch and fed the copious amounts of ducks, swans and gulls. I enjoyed just the contact with nature and the heat of the sun on my sore bones. Thomas my son kept a close eye on me as well as doing a lot of walking himself. After 15 mins helped back to the car I started my journal and my next book. Only problem with the swans and ducks is they poo their own weight trebled. My luck must be changing as bird poo is lucky, especially when you have stood in it. Life is getting better. My motto for today.

Catholic Grotto

The lovely little chapel. A quiet and peaceful place that feeds the soul.

The Retiring Psychic

Quickly I am discovering that being semi-retired on health grounds has its advantages.

Firstly I can enjoy the sun and tan my broken bits and bods.

Secondly I can now enjoy writing as a creative process and not a chore as in the past.

Finally I have less money but I have time to just sit and still my mind so in fact my psychic pictures are clearer than ever.

Swings and roundabouts I guess.

Speak soon.

Ruth

One for the Tree-Huggers

Love this tree. Having a behcets flare just now but so want to hug a tree.

laidbackviews

A while back I promised to revisit the ancient oaks when I had some battery life in the camera.  So on a rare day of sunshine, and Urchins off school, off we went with a flask of chicken soup and a lucky dip from assorted Easter goodies.

The park has a large and steep grassy bank, and in April is normally redolent of Wordsworthian inspiration.  But it has been somewhat chilly of late and Spring has receded. Besides it is a north facing bank.   So there was no apparent growth , not even foliage, and the eggs rolled freely, and the path below resembled omelette, a host of golden yolk, paved in broken and painted shell.

But we escaped the eggy throngs and set off into the woods.  Mindful of the troll under the bridge we found our way to those trees:

They have witnessed much over the years, and look good for a…

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Funny Old Day

Today has been a strange day. Pain level off the chart especially wrist, thus keeping this short. Frozen fog didn’t help not to say that I went out. Only popped head out to call little Raven in.  I was hoping that in the near future I may even venture out the front door.  A walk or a push around the gardens at Chatelherault  get the energy of some good old Oaks and Yes trees. 

Keep well.

Time passing li…

Time passing life moves on. Hard decisions for the road ahead, I fear.

Life and some musings.

New Year New Struggles

My Mum who is the most amazing person I have ever  known is back in hospital again.  She is so cheery no matter how ill she gets.  She has a certain glint in her eye that always lets you know she is fighting her COPD and all other health problems.  Tonight when we visited her she was a bit subdued, a bit tired.  That worries me as she always fights.   

Christmas was a mixture of chaos and fun at my sister’s house.  First Mum and Dad who were cooking the turkey had forgotten the much hyped chipolatta  sausages then we had forgotten the champagne.  From the off it was a bit mental when I slid of the sette and toppled over the drinks on the side table.  It was great fun as was the presents I got from all family members.  My sister lets call her fab at forty, bought me a ticket to see Durty dancing and I can’t wait.  No one put’s baby in the corner.

I am sorry I have’nt blogged for a wee while but my Behcets has been a real burger to deal with.  

Signing off.

Autumn Musings.

I can feel a nip in the air and the leaves are fighting to stay on the branches.  I also get a feeling that my recent trip to the Southern General re- my peripheral vision loss and balance problems is going to come back to haunt me.  It seems they saw I had been ill with my mental health in the past and that as they couldn’t find a reason for my problems it must all be in my head.  They see a fat 44 year old woman with a history of mental health problems and a few volumes of notes and they make up there minds with shoddy results.  I really hate some parts of the NHS and as far as a Dr Overalls I would like to see him fall of his penny farthing soon.  My past occupation also raised a few eyebrows also to my detriment.

I know what my symptoms are and what I live with every day I do not need a dickhead of a medicine man to tell me otherwise.  Rant over.